Saturday, November 1, 2008

What the Hell?

During a recent trip to London, I was browsing through the food halls of Fortnum & Mason, which were already decked out for Christmas. There, among the mustards and preserves, was a large, nasty display of a new beverage called Scorpion Vodka.

This is not a fanciful name. It is a literal name. At the bottom of each clear bottom, there for the disgusted consumer to flinch at, is an actual dead scorpion. Scorpion Vodka is not a joke product. Their literature seems to indicate they are deadly serious. Nonetheless, the text is inadvertently hilarious. The little stinging bugger is in fact a "farm raised scorpion." (Can't you just picture them happily scampering around the open plains right now?) They are bred in southern China, then "put through a special detoxifying process then infused in the vodka for 3 months before hitting the shelves." OK, that's good. So the scorpions won't kill us, like they usually do.

Why do it? Lotsa reasons. No. 1: "The scorpion imparts a pleasant soft woody taste to the vodka, it also effectively smoothes off the sharp edge of the vodka."

No. 2: "Alcohol infused with a scorpion is said to possess many excellent health properties when drunk, such as helping to increase libido, lowering blood pressure & helps remove toxins in the bloodstream." Uh huh.

They recommend you serve the revolting creature in a Martini. Drink the Martini, and they enjoy the scorpion, like it was a beer nut. Because "it is 100% safe to eat!" BUT, "Please be careful of the sharp stinger."

Listen, if I want a stinger, I'll order one.

The company that makes this ridiculousness is called Edible. They specialize in insects. Other products include Worm Crisps and Thai Curry Crickets. You can also take your Scorpion covered in chocolate.

Oh, did I mention that that Scorpion Vodka is monstrously expensive? A bottle the size of your thumb is 10 pounds.

Is it time yet to stick a fork in the vodka era?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I live in Las Vegas and have been killing scorpions with vodka for many years. Yes it is true! Scorpions die instaneously when you spill or spray vodka directly on them.